What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Takes a New Lover

July 30, 2013, by Law Offices of James V. Sansone
By Law Offices of James V. Sansone on July 30, 2013 8:00 AM |

M_Id_63683_Extra_marital_relations.jpgYour divorce is finally over; you've divided your property and settled on a spousal support amount. You think that all issues related to your divorce and custody have been discussed, argued about, and settled.

You pour yourself a cup of tea or a glass of wine and finally sigh with relief. Despite the animosity of the divorce, the threats about the children, the suspicions about income being hidden from you, you and your ex-spouse finally came to an agreement and decided that it would be best to always appear congenial in front of your children.

You toast to how smart you've been and to the fact that you can finally get on with your life.

Or can you?

Post-Divorce Scenarios You Never Imagined

You can't litigate your future relationship with your former in-laws or their relationship with your children. How do you feel about your kids spending weekends or longer periods at their home? Did you consider that when you were signing your divorce final decree.

Then there's the question of how to handle your ex-spouse's new significant other. Are you ready to even deal with that scenario?

You need to decide quickly because how you relate to your ex-spouse's special friend or lover will impact your children.

If your divorce was especially divisive, it can be difficult not only to see your ex-spouse with your children but also to see him or her happy with a significant other. It's even harder yet to see them together with a new lover.

What if your kids like your ex-wife's new lover and look forward to seeing him? Or what if your children join your ex-husband when he plays with his softball team and his new girlfriend is their best pitcher?

Demeaning an ex-spouse's significant other may very well affect how your children feel about you. Do they want to see you angry, crying, or swearing because of the situation? No. That's why it's important for parents to consider the ramifications of their actions and harsh words.

Follow the advice of numerous experts who will advise you to put your children first. It's not always easy but it is what parents need to do.

Back in Court Again

Sometimes these disputes become so intense couples find themselves in court again. That's what happened to Steve Nash, a basketball player with the Phoenix Suns. He and his wife had three children when they divorced. Recently, a court ruled that his live-in girlfriend could accompany his children when they travel without him.

Steve's ex-wife didn't want the girlfriend to be alone with her children and based her objection on the fact that the woman wasn't a family member. But the court ruled that the girlfriend was just as much a family member as the children's nanny.

Do you have questions about custody, guardianships, children's issues, or spousal support? If so, call me or schedule a consultation with the Law Offices of James V. Sansone at 707-623-1875 or contact me by email. You can find additional information on family law, children's issues, spousal support, domestic violence as well as a list of resources you'll find helpful on our website.